Learning the Question

It is January 31, 2007. My numerology number for the year is 7 which indicates a year of introspection. This means I am on a quest of "spiritual seeking". Hummm...thought I was already doing that! I went to a psychic fair, in November, and that gentle man told me my chakras were blocked. I knew that. I know I should be performing Reiki on myself. I know I should do it on a daily basis. I know....I know..... What I don't know is WHY I don't. Am I lazy? Am I depressed? Why do I use housework (ugh) as an excuse NOT to meditate? I don't like doing housework but it was a shameful moment when that gentle psychic man told me, "You need to clean your house." I asked the question, although I knew his answer, "My spiritual house or my house/house?" He smiled. "Your house/house". I believe his next words, "Be careful what you throw away. There is something you think is junk but is really very valuable", was intended to spur me into action. Have I come across such an article? Not yet, but then I haven't completed the task. My own belief is I will find a "house". This morning, I was determined to clean a spot for an alter - but then my gaze fell up the dirty dishes piled in the sink and the coffee pot hadn't been cleaned - well, it was beginning to chug. I always look forward to that first pot of coffee after all the slugh has been cleaned. Yes, I am a spiritual person who prefers coffee to green tea. I know...I know.... So, I used cleaning the coffee pot and washing the dishes as my excuse not to clear a space for "my alter". Why?
That word "why" keeps haunting me. Another question the dear gentle psychic man asked was, "Why do you keep sabotaging yourself?" Gee, if I knew the answer to that one I wouldn't be sitting here asking myself all these questions and I probably would have been a millionaire - years ago!
It's not like I don't know where the answer is - it is inside my soul. It's not that I haven't read an unaccountable number of spiritual books, performed numerous worksheets, placed many notes to Angels, The Divine Universe, etc., etc., under my pillow asking for Divine Intervention, and I truly expected to wake the next morning shining with the brilliant white light of knowledge! Silly me! In reality, it all comes to the fact that I am not disciplined enough to do the work. Light bulb moment! But then I knew that - didn't I?